28 Weeks

Yesterday was a major milestone! We have now reached our first goal of 28 weeks!!! It is a huge relief to be here. I can now breath a little easier, rest a little better and wipe the sweat off my brow. I've been told that our girls now have a huge chance of making it. What a blessing!

I haven't blogged much about the week to week improvements. I started to a few times, but it was too hard. I was still very scared and just the thought of losing them tore me up. It was a horrible feeling and not something that I wanted to let out. Just thinking of how far we have come and the battles we have faced. I couldn't think of having them and losing one or losing them both. I tried to always imagine us holding them, rocking them, changing diapers, etc. Those were the happy feelings. Then sad thoughts would come in my head. The what ifs?? I would think about coming home empty handed from the hospital or sitting in their room without them. I had a dream about being at a grave yard saying goodbye. Those were devastating feelings. I hated thinking those thoughts. I guess it was a mother worrying about her children. Isn't that what mothers do?

I just wanted to make it to 28 weeks. We have! I know there have been other babies born earlier than 28 weeks and have done well. Mine could have as well, but you always want to keep them in there as long as possible. I was upset at the beginning of my pregnancy because my OB wanted to take them at 37 weeks. I wanted to go to 40 weeks. Little did I know that somewhere in the middle that my goal would change to 28 weeks. That was my first goal. I've made it! Now I hope to go to 30 weeks. The ultimate goal is to reach 37 weeks. I have 9 weeks to go! That doesn't seem like that long. I am willing and able to do whatever I can to keep them locked inside until they are ready to come to this world.

Some people can't believe that I am doing that well on bedrest, but I am. I have wonderful people (C, my mom and dad) who have been taking good care of me and all of the housework. If I didn't have them I might not be doing as well. I know things are taken care of so I don't have to worry over my pets, laundry or an unkept house. All of those things take a backseat. It seems like everything has taken a backseat these days expect for making sure Alexis and Avery are healthy and are staying put. I don't worry about hair, makeup, things being out of place, clothes, etc. . Those are the things I did worry about before. No more. It is so true that everything gets put into perspective when you face a difficult situation or tragedy. I may not worry about the little things again if I think about this phase in my life.

When I think about having two babies in my belly and these babies are the babies that C and I have prayed for for so long. They are the babies that we created. These are the babies I used to dream about taking care of when I was a little girl. These are the babies that are going to change my life forever and bring more joy into it than I have ever experienced. These are the babies that I have seen and fell in love with through ultrasounds. These are the babies that I will share with the love of my life, C. I have felt their kicks, seen and heard their heartbeats. These are my children. My daughters. They are my life. I will do whatever I can do to keep them safe and to try to make them as healthy as possible. I will be on bedrest for as long as I have to and keep my spirits high for them. All of this is for them. This is not for me. If I had to be on bedrest for me, I would be breaking the rules right and left. I love them. I am their mother. I vowed many years ago to God that if He would bless me with a child I would do whatever I needed to do for my child. Now I have two that I must keep that promise to as well. Bedrest seems like a breeze considering that they could have been taken from me many weeks ago or I could have never been blessed with this pregnancy at all. When you think of (A) losing someone who is very close to you or (B) doing something that is less than favorable than what you would want to do, you will gladly choose the second option. Thinking of losing Alexis and Avery rips my heart into pieces. I can't imagine what mothers have gone through that have experienced that devastating loss. My thoughts go out to them.

So I will continue my quest to keep my sweethearts safe and sound in my belly. I will happily do so. I know everyday they stay with me means that they are not in the hospital fighting for their life. I love feeling their kicks, hiccups, stretches and all of the baby moves. It is the most amazing feeling I have experienced. Nothing can describe it. I know those movements are our babies getting stronger each day and they are just saying "hi mom and dad". We are not out of the woods yet, but I am so happy to reach 28 weeks. My faith is still in God to get us are far as we can go so the girls are healthy. We have a lot of people pulling for us, sending us love and support and many prayers. All of those things have helped get us here and we celebrate our 28 weeks with all of those special people. Our girls are already loved so much. That is a true blessing.