Here I am

Here I am, right where I thought that I would never be, infertile. This journey has been one that has so many ups and downs, more downs than anything else. At times I was unsure if I could make it through another day. Dealing with infertility teaches you a lot about life and about the people you surround yourself with. I felt that it was my birthright to have a child of my own, but I learned too soon that is not the case. We take for granted so many things in life and this was one that I always took for granted. I guess the joke's on me. I had my life planned out. C and I would finish college, get married, then have a few children. The first portion of our story has come true, but we are still waiting on the children. It is hard not to plan, but maybe I should have just let things come as they see fit. There are so many should have, could have, would have thoughts when dealing with infertility. I try not to have regrets, but it is human nature to wish you could change your past. I am not sure exactly what I would change, but I would make some changes.
On my first gyno appointment when I was 18 I asked a question that now haunts me. Maybe I always knew something was "wrong". I had no idea then that I suffered from endometeriosis. I remember asking after the exam that "there shouldn't be any reason that I would have problems getting pregnant" and she said "absolutely not!" Little did she know, right! I remember hating going to the gyno and being poked and prodded. It was terrible. I guess that it is still terrible, but I have gotten used to it. There has been so many doctors and so many tests you just get used to it being the norm. So I really don't care to hear people complain about going to the gyno. Get over yourselves. You could have it a lot worse, trust me.
I am writing this blog to help me deal with things and to get some things off of my chest. It is a form of therapy for me. I don't mean to offend anyone or hurt anyone's feelings, so if I do forgive me or stop reading it. This is something that is all about me and the road that C and I are traveling. There will be good times and bad times. Prepare yourself.