Waiting

Waiting has been our theme the last few years. We didn't get our BFP one month, we would just wait for the next, then the next, etc. It all became a pattern. We were not worried at all when we first started to try for our bundle of joy. It was a very happy and exciting time for us. Many our our friends were having babies then. We were bound to be next we just needed time. We continued to wait. Waiting is so hard. Waiting for anything. Some people wait in line, others wait for a vacation, waiting on a promotion, waiting to buy a house. There are so many things we all have to wait for. C and I are still waiting for our baby. It seems like we have been waiting for our baby since we started dating, which was 13 years ago. We've had our names picked out for years. Many have been taken due to everyone around us multiplying, but we are still hanging on to a few. We have everything in line, but still waiting. Maybe this is God's way of teaching us patience or not taking things for granted. I don't think many people understand the how hard infertility is and how grateful they should be to just get pregnant. To have a child of your own is a complete miracle. If we do get to have a child of our own, no one will appreciate the miracle of conceiving like us. There will be nothing taken for granted. I strive to have morning sickness, to have back pain and pee constantly. It may be hard, but I am so ready. Yet, I still wait to do so. In God's time, I still wait. I keep thinking all of this is for a reason. I know that God is making it worth our wild to wait. I am waiting, ready and able. May God hear my prayers to be a mother. Just like Rebekah, I ask God to not forget about me. Don't leave me a barren woman. My faith is in His hands. Now I just wait.

Here is a beautiful poem about infertility and the power of God.

Poem by Russell Kelfer
Wait
Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I plead and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, "Wait."
"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word."
"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign."
"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply.
"Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?
"He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said,
"I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run."
"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint."
"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see."
"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart."
"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last."
"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you."
"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though often My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."